Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
