well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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