I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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