Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
