Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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