i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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