Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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