Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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