What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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