I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
