my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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