I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
