At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
