Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
now i know why i became what i already was.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
