I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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