I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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