She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
