i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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