We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
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There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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