It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
