they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
