3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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