I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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