I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
