hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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