I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
