We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
