I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
