and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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