We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
