I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
