i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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