You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
