You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
