I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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