I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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