Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You are a booty call, not a friend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
