No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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