Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
