I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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