Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
