and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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