I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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