i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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