Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
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Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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