Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
