my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
