Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
