This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
