Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
