May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
a search helicopter?!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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