Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
