You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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