after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
