If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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