i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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