Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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