lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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