I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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