I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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