You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
