i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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