I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
