you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
