I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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