he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
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I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
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We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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