My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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