So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
