I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
