yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I forget how to act sober
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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