They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
