david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
