I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
