My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
