You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
