i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
