i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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